Inside
by johnliz4ever
Summary: Search deep inside to find yourself. JohnLiz
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis and therefore I'm making no money off this.

Note: I was practising something for Drama and I was going to use a similar storyline to the one I'm using here, but decided against it but I liked the idea so much I decided to make it into a Stargate Atlantis fan fiction.

Pairing: John/Liz  
Spoilers: Everything in season one is fair game.   
Notes: Thanks to MHBTMS for beta reading.

* * *

The sun rose over the great city of Atlantis. The gentle waves lapped onto the sides of the city. All was calm and well. On the outside.  
On the inside chaos ensued. 

In the control room, Dr Elizabeth Weir fell though the Stargate followed by SGA-1. The team landed in a heap in front of the Stargate.

"Close the shield"

Peter was already in the process of closing the shield when Major John Sheppard shouted to him. Peter called for a medical team and rushed down to the heap of people lying in the middle of the control level.  
Major John Sheppard, Lt Aiden Ford, Dr Rodney McKay and Teyla Emmagan all slowly got to their feet, checking for any sign of injury, but Peter wasn't concerned about them. He was concerned about the woman sat slightly to the right of them, her legs pulled closely to her chest as she rocked herself slowly back and forth muttering something softly. He bent down in front of her.

"Dr Weir"

She looked at him, tears filling her eyes as she shifted away from him. He tried to place his hand on her arm but she backed away from him screaming. John turned around when he heard the scream and saw his wife scurrying away from Peter in hysterics. He moved next to Peter and adopted the same position he had moments before. He knelt down in front of her.

"Elizabeth"

She looked at them; the expression on her face was between confusion and terror.  
Carson entered with his medical team, his attention, as everyone else's, fell on the small women in the middle of the room. He rushed over to John and pulled him back from Elizabeth. John was about to protest when Carson glared at him.  
Carson bent down in front of the woman, marinating distance but still close enough to offer comfort.

"Elizabeth, my name is Carson Beckett. I'm a doctor. I just want to have a wee look at that gash on your head."

Elizabeths' hand brushed the top of her forehead, blood had been slowly falling down it since her tumble through the Stargate. She brought her hand down from her head and looked at the crimson blood.

"Can I have a look at your head Elizabeth?"

Elizabeths' eyes locked with Carson's as she slowly nodded. When Carson saw her nod, he motioned for his medical bag, slowly brought out an antiseptic tissue and wiped away the blood. The cut was deep; Carson concluded she must have banged her head on the floor.

"Elizabeth, come with me to the infirmary and we'll sort out that cut on you're head."

Elizabeth looked around nervously at the people around her, she was scared, didn't know who to trust. She avoided Carson's eyes but she slowly nodded.  
Carson began to help her to her feet but she withdrew from him. Carson motioned at his team to take care of the rest of the team as he walked with Elizabeth. John started to protest again but something in Carson's eyes told him that something serious was wrong with Elizabeth.

* * *

John and his team entered the infirmary. On the far bed, they could see Elizabeth, her knees held closely to her chest as Carson injected her with a sedative. Carson slowly laid Elizabeth down on the bed as the sedative took affect. John walked over to Carson. 

"Carson, what the hell is wrong with her?"

Carson moved into his office and John followed. Carson sat down and motioned for John to do the same. John reluctantly sat down.

"John, there is no easy way to say this. I think Elizabeth has retrograde amnesia"

John looked at him in confusion

"Amnesia?"

Carson closed his eyes.

"John she has no memory of Atlantis, the Stargate project, she barely remembers passing international relations in her first year of university, anything after that is gone."

Tears formed in Johns' eyes

"Does she remember me?"

Carson shook his head

"No, she knows none of us."

John shook his head.

"What about Lily?"

Carson sadly shook his head.

"I'm so sorry John. John I need to know was she like this on the P2R-596"

John dropped his head into his hands.

"No, she was…normal. She was Elizabeth."

The tears flowed freely from John's eyes.

"I believe when she felt through the Stargate she banged her head on the floor, causing damage to the part of the brain which deals with memories both short and long term. Elizabeth doesn't remember past when she was 19…"

Carson trailed off.

"John are you okay?"

John rubbed his forehead.

"God, this all my fault. I pushed her through the 'gate before I stepped through. It was all so crazy; I just wanted to get her through the 'gate."

**:Flashback:**

McKay dialled Atlantis while John, Ford and Teyla laid down cover fire.

"Elizabeth, when that 'gate opens enter your IDC and go. No waiting, no excuses."

John covered Elizabeth as more shots were fired at them,

"I won't leave without you."

John stared at her.

"At least one of us needs to get back…for Lily"

The 'gate opened and after she entered her IDC John pushed Elizabeth forward and she fell through the 'gate. John ordered the rest of the team through before diving through himself.

**:End of Flashback:**

John banged his fists on the table.

"Damn it."

Carson looked through his office window to the bed were Elizabeth was laying. John felt guilty but he wasn't to blame. He just had to believe that.

* * *

Dr Kate Heightmeyer was sat in her office. She reluctantly typed on her laptop as she watched the small girl in the middle of the room play with some toys the Athosian's had given her for her birthday. Kate was worried about how the girl would deal with what life was about to bestow on her.  
Kate's office door opened and Rodney walked in. He gave the small girl a quick hug before walking over to Kate. 

"How's John?"

Rodney shook his head.

"He blames himself. He needs a distraction from Elizabeth…"

Rodney gaze fell onto the girl who was once again playing with her toys.

"…And she needs to be told."

Kate stood up and moved over to the girl. She knelt down in front of her and pushed back a piece of her messy black hair.

"Sweetheart, I'm going to take you to see your Daddy"

The girl nodded

"What about Mummy?"

Kate smiled at the girl

"You'll be able to see her soon but first you have to talk to your Daddy"

Kate walked the girl down to the infirmary. She could sense the tension, she may only have been five but she was very susceptible to tension on Atlantis and she knew when something was wrong. Kate stood outside the infirmary hesitantly before she bent down in front of the girl.

"Honey, I'm going to get your Daddy. Just wait right here."

Kate was in the infirmary less then a minute when John came out and swept the child up in his arms.

"Lily. I'm sorry I didn't come to see you sweetie."

He kissed the top of her head and she hugged him. She was very much a daddy's girl, but there were times when she could wrap her mother around her little finger as well.

"Daddy, where's Mummy?"

That one question broke John's heart. How could he explain to her that her Mummy was laying in a infirmary bed but she had no memory of any of them? He just held her closer.

"Mummy's not very well, but she'll get better, because she loves you."

A few tears fell from John's eyes onto Lily's beautiful black hair. He wiped the tears from his eyes. He didn't want to scare his daughter.

* * *

Kate sat in the chair that John had just exited; she brushed her hand over Elizabeths' and prayed silently. Carson came and sat next to her. 

"I know what you're going to ask me and the answer is no, at least until she's comes to terms with things."

Kate turned to Carson.

"She needs her memory back Carson…" Kate looked over to the door "…She has a husband and little girl that she doesn't even remember. How can I not want to help her get her memory back?"

Carson leant back

"It's got to be her decision Kate, we can't force her to remember. She has to want to remember."

Kate held Elizabeth's hand tighter.

"She as a beautiful little girl and a husband that worships her, she'll want to remember that."

Carson sighed

"Fine, I'll talk to her about it when she wakes up, but I want you to do a wee favour for me. Talk to John, he's racked with guilt and it's eating him up inside. It's not good for the wee one."

Kate nodded before leaving the infirmary.

* * *

Kate knocked on the door to Lilys' quarters; she figured this is where she'd find John. When he as with his team or his wife he was almost certainly with his daughter. She knocked gently on the door and John opened it a few seconds later. 

"Kate, what can I do for you?"

Kate motioned for him to come out onto the corridor to avoid Lily hearing them.

"I just wanted to tell you that when Carson gives me the go-a-head I'm going to start hypnotherapy sessions."

John nodded.

"How is she?"

Kate motioned to Lilys' room and John sighed

"She doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell her, she doesn't understand what is wrong with Elizabeth. All she wants is her mother back."

Sensing he was about to blame himself she spoke up.

"There was nothing you could have done to change this."

John shook his head and his eyes filled with tears.

"I could have done something different, maybe if I didn't push her through the Stargate this wouldn't have happened."

Kate put her hand on his shoulder

"John, we don't know that, and you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

John closed his eyes and a tear fell down his cheek.

"Try telling that to Lily when she realises I'm the reason she's lost her mother."

John turned away from Kate and went back into Lilys' quarters.

John sat on the edge of his daughter's bed. One arm wrapped around her as he finished the story he'd been telling her.

"So the great city rose out of the ocean and then all was calm. And you'll hear the next part of the story tomorrow."

Lily had heard all the normal fairytales that children were suppose to hear at her age so he decided to make a story up, only he wasn't very inventive so instead he had decided to tell her all about how they came to be on Atlantis. He changed some of the story so not to scare her, but she knew all about what the Wraith could do but he still wanted to protect her from it.  
John moved off the bed and pulled the covers over Lily.

"Daddy, what's wrong with Mummy?"

John sat in the chair next to her bed and brushed her black hair off her forehead.

"Lily you know I said Mummy is not very well, that's true but she banged her head and it's made her very sleepy and confused. She'll be fine. I promise you sweetheart."

John gently kissed her forehead.

"Now get some sleep."

John walked to the door and took one last look at his daughter before leaving the room.  
John walked around the corridors of Atlantis and soon found himself in the control room, he ignored the concerned looks from the night staff and walked out onto the balcony. He lent against the railing and sighed. He didn't know what he'd do if Elizabeth didn't regain her memory, he didn't know what Lily would do. She needed her mother. John buried his head in his hands as he heard someone else enter the balcony.

"Sir."

John looked round and saw Ford.

"Aiden, I thought we'd agreed on first name terms."

Ford walked over to him

"I know."

Ford stood silent for a moment.

"How's Elizabeth?"

John sighed.

"Kate is going to start some sessions with her when Beckett gives her the go-ahead. I'm just worried that she won't want to remember."

Tears fell from John's eyes.

"I can't do this without her; I can't raise Lily without her."

Ford put a reassuring hand on John's shoulder

"She'll remember, she loves you."

* * *

Elizabeth sat on the infirmary bed, analysing her surroundings. She'd just woken up after the sedative the Scottish doctor gave her. God, what was his name. Carlos? Cameron? Carson, Carson Beckett that's his name. Elizabeth sighed. At least she remembered one thing about these people. She brought her knees up to her chest. She quietly sobbed. They hadn't told her anything about where she was, where her sister was. The doctor, Carson, had asked her lots of questions but told her nothing. Why the hell had he asked her about Atlantis? What did Greek myths have to do with anything? She thought about the other things he'd asked her. 

**:Flashback:**

Carson sat in the chair next to Elizabeth.

"How's your head feeling?"

She avoided his gaze, she didn't know who his was, she didn't know who any of these people were or where she was.

"Better, thank you"

Carson nodded; clearly, he'd wanted a more detailed answer.

"Elizabeth, do you know where you are?"

Elizabeth shook her head, tears falling from her eyes. She pulled her knees into her chest and rocked herself gently.

"Elizabeth, I'm going to say some words and just speak up if any of them sound familiar. Stargate, Atlantis, SGC, Puddle Jumper, M9M-768…"

Elizabeth shook her head at all of them; Carson decided to dig in a bit more personal.

"…Rodney, Teyla, Aiden…" He didn't want to confirm his theory, but he had too. "…John Sheppard, Lily Sheppard…"

Carson was about to continue when Elizabeths' head shot up.

"Lily?"

Carson smiled; if she remembered, Lily maybe there was hope for her.

"You remember Lily?"

Elizabeth shook her head, but her eyes lit up with excitement.

"Not…not anyone called Lily Sheppard but I have a sister called Lily. Lily Marie Weir, she's my little sister. Is she here?"

Carson shook his head sadly. Lily Marie, that was exactly what she'd called her daughter, and now he knew the reason but it wasn't the Lily he wanted her to remember.

"I'm sorry, she isn't."

Elizabeths' head dropped onto her knees and a tear fell from her eyes down her cheek.

"I guess…I shouldn't have expected her to be here. Not after two years."

This got Carsons' curiosity.

"Two years?"

Elizabeth looked at him. She didn't know whether she should tell him, but she felt safe with him, she didn't know why. Maybe because he was a doctor and doctors help people.

"My sister disappeared two years ago. We're still hopeful we'll find her."

Carson sadly nodded his head. He'd never heard Elizabeth talk about a sister, he guessed it was because she was never found.

**:End of Flashback:**

Elizabeth sighed as the door to the infirmary opened and Carson walked in.

"How are we doing Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth nodded. She didn't really trust anyone except this man, she didn't know why, he was familiar but she didn't know from where.

"I am fine. I would like to go home soon though."

Carson sighed and sat next to her bed. He shut his eyes briefly before looking up at her.

"Elizabeth, you are home, this is where you live"

Elizabeth shook her head. She lived with her parents. She lived in a little house in Minnesota.

"No it's not, I don't even now where I am"

Carson lent forward and grabbed Elizabeths' hand, she quickly went to withdraw it but felt strange when she did. Instead, she let his hand stay on hers.

"Elizabeth, I need to tell you something. Elizabeth you're not 19 years old…"

Elizabeth looked at him, tears swelling in her eyes as she listened to what he told her, as he told her that she was on the city of Atlantis in the Pegasus galaxy, that she was a diplomat and an expert in international relations. It was too much to take in; she stopped listening and tried to process what he'd already told her.

"Elizabeth…"

Elizabeth snapped from her musing and turned to him.

"…Our Psychologist, Dr Heightmeyer wishes to speak with you as quickly as possible and I thing it would be…"

Elizabeth snapped at him

"I am not crazy"

Carson jumped in, the last thing any of them needed was Elizabeth thinking that they thought she was crazy.

"I know that Elizabeth, believe me nobody thinks you're crazy, but you need to talk to her, to get your memories back."

Elizabeth shook her head, she didn't want to remember anything, she was not the woman they told her she was, she was different.

"Elizabeth, I won't force you to talk to her, but I think it might help."

Elizabeth sighed and looked at him,

"I will talk, you happy?"

Elizabeth slid underneath the covers and turned away from him. Carson sighed and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"We all care for you Elizabeth; we're not trying to hurt you in any way. Believe me."

* * *

The next morning Elizabeth was taken to an office on the other side of the city. A pretty blonde woman sat across from Elizabeth. Her name was Kate Heightmeyer, the  
Psychologist that Dr Beckett had told her about the day before. Elizabeth would be lying to say she was slightly afraid.  
Kate leant over and looked at her, 

"There is no reason to be afraid Elizabeth, what we talk about will not leave this room if you don't want it too."

Elizabeth nodded and avoided making eye contact with Kate. She didn't trust Psychologists. Kate leant forward to Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth, I can understand how difficult this must be for you, but I'm only here to help you"

Elizabeth could see the sincerity in the other woman's eyes. Elizabeth slowly nodded and Kate smiled at her.

"Okay Elizabeth, why don't you tell me the last thing you remember before waking up here."

Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably in her seat, she wasn't comfortable about telling a complete stronger about her life, but she knew she had too, she knew it was important. Elizabeth closed her eyes and began.

"I was in my dorm room; I was getting ready to go home after my first year of university. The last time I was home I got into an argument with my parents about Lily, my sister, she was with me when she disappeared, my parents blame me for it, she's 10 years younger than me, I was meant to look after her, but I didn't."

Tears fell from Elizabeths' eyes and she furiously wiped them away. Kate handed her a tissue ad Elizabeth took it and gave her a small smile.

"Thank you"

Kate leant back into her seat.

"Is that the last thing you remember?"

Elizabeth nodded, she was thinking hard, trying to remember anything after that last moment in her dorm room, but she couldn't.

"Elizabeth, I would like to try hypnosis on you. Now I'm not going to force you into this but it would be better if you did try to regain your memory as quickly as possible"

Elizabeth nodded sadly.

"Do I really want to find out about myself? What if I'm a horrible person?"

Kate leant forward and touched her arm.

"Elizabeth, there is so much about you that is good. If I were you, I would want to know about my life."

Elizabeth leant her head onto the back of the chair and sighed.

"When do you want to start the hypnosis?"

Kate smiled at her.

"As soon as possible"

Elizabeth nodded

"I'll do it.

* * *

Later that afternoon Elizabeth laid back on the infirmary bed and closed her eyes. She listened carefully to Kate's words, to what she was telling her. Elizabeth slowly opened her eyes and looked around the room, Carson and Kate were there and a man, dark hair, kinda messy dark hair, good-looking, tall. The expression on his face was something Elizabeth could not read, was it despair? Sadness? Confusion? She couldn't tell, but whatever it was she could feel vibes from him, did she know him? He was the man, the in the control room a few days ago. But that wasn't from where she knew him from, she closed her eyes and tried to remember but unfortunately, coming up blank. She opened her eyes and just for a second, their eyes locked and they stared at each other before he broke the gaze and left the room.  
Elizabeth looked back at Kate. 

"Elizabeth, are you okay?"

Elizabeth nodded and Kate smiled at her.

"Okay, now Carson is going to give you a mild sedative so we can still talk, it's not going to hurt Elizabeth. Now just relax"

Carson gave Elizabeth the sedative and she started feeling drowsy almost immediately.

"Elizabeth, listen to my voice and think about a place where you feel safe and happy."

Elizabeth looked deep inside herself; she searched through the darkness , through all the heartbreak she'd been through to a place which made her feel safe, happy and she could only remember one place she was ever happy, with her sister, at the lake, the summer before she disappeared. There was laughter, camping, the mosquito bites. Elizabeth smiled at the memory.

"Elizabeth, do you feel it?"

Elizabeth nodded

"Yes I feel it"

"Okay, Elizabeth hold onto that feeling, let it fill you, think about where you've felt it before and focus on that."

Elizabeth let the feeling fill her, praying that she would remember, praying that she would remember something important, she felt something, just for a second before it disappeared and a dark cold invaded her.  
She was suddenly invaded by visions of death and destruction, of people dying, of people screaming, of creatures unlike anything she'd ever seen before. Elizabeth screamed and Carson woke her up. Carson tried to check Elizabeth over but she was clearly terrified and ripped the wires off her. She the jumped of the bed and ran, she didn't know where she was going, she was crying hard, tears obscuring her vision. She kept running until she bumped into something soft and warm. She looked up and saw the dark haired man that had been in the infirmary earlier. She tried to push past him but he grabbed her arms and held her.

"Shush, it's okay. You're okay Elizabeth"

Elizabeth didn't feel okay but her tears slowly stopped and she felt safe in his arms.

When she ran into him John was shocked at first but when she saw the state she was in, her face filled with absolute terror he felt immediately protective, he held her tightly, told her everything would be okay. He felt her tears fall onto his shirt, her hands grip onto his shirt. Her shaking slowly ceased and he felt her begin to pull away from him. At the same time, Carson and Kate came around the corner to them.

"Elizabeth…"

Kate began but John held up his hand and stopped her, he had Elizabeth settled, he couldn't risk upsetting her. He rubbed her back and lifted her chin so she face him.

"Elizabeth tell me what happened"

She looked up at him, she was still scared but something in his eyes told her she could trust him. She slowly pulled away from him, still looking into his eyes.

"I saw some things, people dying, creatures killing them. It was so cold, so dark"

Tears threatened to fall from her eyes again but she quickly pushed them back.

"I need some fresh air, please can I go outside?"

John threw a glance at Carson and he nodded back to him. John put his hand on Elizabeths' back gently.

"Come on, I'll take you outside"

Elizabeth shivered slightly when his hand made contact with her back but she didn't show it, she and John walked through the corridors in silence until they got to a nearby balcony. The door opened and the view astounded Elizabeth. The sun was slowly setting at the horizon, the colour of the sun was reflecting on the ocean below, she'd never seen something so beautiful.  
Elizabeth stepped onto the balcony and over to the railing. She was in awe of the scene in front of her.

"It's beautiful"

She whispered, probably to herself. John went over to the railing and stood next to her.

"You love this view"

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Elizabeth turned to him.

"Are you a friend of mine?"

John nodded sadly.

"I guess you could say that…" Elizabeth looked at him, as if begging him to tell her more "…I can't tell you anymore, you should try to remember by yourself."

John looked over the ocean; he thought bringing her might help her remember. This is where he proposed, at sunset. It would have been the perfect romantic atmosphere, if they weren't fighting that is…

**:Flashback:  
**  
Elizabeth furiously walked onto the balcony with John following her.

The arrogant bastard

"No, Elizabeth I so wanna discuss this now"

Elizabeth looked out over the ocean, it really was a beautiful sunset, but she didn't have time to appreciate it at the moment, she had John to deal with.

"Forget about Major"

Her voice was cold and full of ice.

"Ah, no you don't, you're not getting me with the cold ice queen act. I want to discuss this, you think I brought Chaya back again because I still feel something for her, you're jealous admit it."

Elizabeth turned round furiously fighting the desire to slap that smug smile off his face.

"I'm not blind, I saw you kiss her"

John shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"She kissed me"

Elizabeth turned back round and looked at the ocean.

"Same thing"

John grabbed her arm and forced her to face him.

"No it's not and you know damn well. What it is Elizabeth because I know it has nothing to do with Chaya? Are you afraid I'm going cheat on you, is that it?"

Elizabeth turned away from him but he forced her to look at him.

"That's it isn't it? You don't trust me"

John let her go and through his hands up in the air and sighed.

"This is incredible, you don't trust me. After everything we've been through together you think I'd risk losing your trust over a silly fling with Ancient"

Elizabeth shook her head.

"It's not just her John and you know that"

"I was never with Teyla and I never will be, and that woman on Aluro misread the signs. Do you want me to show you how committed I am to you?"

John got down on one knee and looked up at her. Elizabeth sighed.

"John, get up"

John shook his head.

"No, I want to show you just how committed I am to you and it looks like this is the only way to do it because you obviously don't trust me"

"John stand up, this is ridiculous"

John didn't stand up but put his hand into his pocket and brought out a cloth with something wrapped up in it.

"I was going to do this next week, I was going to organise dinner and everything but since you think you can't trust me I'll do it now"

"John"

John ignored her and grabbed her hands.

"Elizabeth I love you, will you marry me?"

Elizabeth laughed and John looked hurt.

"You want commitment don't you? What's the problem?"

Elizabeth broke her hand from his grip and turned to the ocean.

"This John, all of this. You're proposing just to make a problem go away."

John stood up from his uncomfortable position and went to stand next to her.

"Don't you listen Elizabeth? Haven't I just said I was going to propose to you next week, dinner, candles, hopefully no off-world activations? I love you Elizabeth."

Elizabeth shook her head and sighed.

"Don't say it if you don't mean it John."

John sighed and took her hands forcing her to face him.

"I mean it Elizabeth, I love you."

He carefully slid the ring onto her finger and Elizabeth looked at it, it was beautiful, the band itself was a beautiful silver colour, the stone looked like a diamond and was an enchanting pink.

"I didn't say yes John"

John shook his head and held her hands tighter.

"You didn't have to"  
**  
:End of Flashback:**

John smiled at the memory. He had, eventually, proposed properly, but that memory was strangely his favourite because they were bearing their souls. Elizabeth looked at him in confusion.

"What's so funny?"

John looked at her and smiled.

"Just remembering something that happened here."

Elizabeth curiously peaked.

"What was it?"

John briefly entertained the idea of telling her but he knew he couldn't. She had to remember on her own.

"You should try and remember this on your own"

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Note: Recent events have inspired me to pick this up again (I had a serious case of writers block). Also thanks for the reviews.

* * *

John walked back into his quarters after he'd took Elizabeth back to hers. She had begun to relax around him and he was very grateful for that. He walked into his quarters and saw Lily sleeping on his bed wrapped up in his covers. John smiled at the sight. She looked so sweet and innocent. He walked over to her and picked her up gently; she stirred lightly in his arms and opened her eyes slightly before closing them again. She still looked like a baby and he couldn't believe how fast she'd grown up. He still remembered the day she was born. At sunrise, a month early. Elizabeth had been so worried that something would be wrong with her but she was perfect. 

**:Flashback:**

John sat next to Elizabeths' bed but for the first time since they'd been together she wasn't the only person he was completely in love with. He gazed over to the small baby in the cradle next to him. His smiled widened as he heard the baby gurgle. He moved over to the cradle and looked in at her; she had a few wisps of curly black hair, beautiful green eyes which were wide open staring at him. Her little hands were thrashing around and he was overcome by awe. He stood up and picked up his daughter. She was so small and honestly, that frightened him. He was scared that he had to look after someone so small and dependent of others.

He drew a finger down her cheek and she began to gurgle again.

John had heard someone say that once you had a child of your own everything you thought was so important before paled in comparison. That you make a promise to the child the moment it was born. A promise, which is, 'I'll take care of you, through hell and high water'. They told him that 'you'll never have a more important job then looking after and loving your child'

And John finally realised what they meant.

**:End of Flashback: **

He gently kissed her forehead and she opened her eyes slowly.

"Hi Daddy"

John smiled, her voice was croaky with sleep and it only added to her cuteness.

"Hey baby. What ya doing?"

She smiled at her father and snuggled into his chest.

"I was sleepy and I couldn't find you."

John tightened his grip on his daughter pulling her into a more comfortable position.

"I'm sorry honey. If I give you chocolate will you forgive me?"

Her face beamed up at him, she jumped from his arms and walked to the door. John smiled at took his daughter's hand and walked her down to the mess hall.

To say he was giving her chocolate was a half-truth. It was similar to chocolate, it had been given to them from one of their trading partners a few months earlier, and Lily was addicted to it.

John took Lily into the kitchen to retrieve the chocolate, as they left the kitchen John stopped abruptly as he looked into the seating area. He quickly picked up Lily so she was facing him and not the seating area. He gave her the chocolate to keep her occupied as he tried to slip out of the mess hall.

But he was too slow and Lily saw who he was trying to hide her from.

"Mummy."

Lily jumped from his arms and ran to Elizabeth, hugging her legs tightly.

"Mummy."

John rushed over to them as Elizabeth looked down at her daughter. Confusion in her eyes.

When John reached them, he pulled Lily off Elizabeth's legs and picked her up.

"What have I told you about running off?"

Lily looked at him then back at Elizabeth's confused look.

"Daddy, what's going on?"

John didn't answer instead he turned to the nearest person which turned out to be Zelenka

"Dr, please take Lily back to her quarters."

Zelenka nodded and took Lily out of John's arms and led her out of the mess hall despite her protests.

John turned to Elizabeth who was looking in the direction of where Lily had disappeared.

Tears were present in her eyes when she turned back to John. John looked at her, his eyes begging her to understand and forgive him.

"I'm sorry Elizabeth"

"You lied to me"

She ran out of the mess hall followed by Kate Heightmeyer. John looked down at the floor, when he looked up again all eyes were on him.

"Haven't you people got anything better to do?"

He stormed out of the mess hall leaving the gossips to start their stories.

* * *

Elizabeth ran into her quarters and was followed very quickly by Kate. Elizabeth dropped onto her bed and buried her head into her pillow. Kate sat down next to her and placed her hand on Elizabeth's shoulder.

"Elizabeth, are you okay?"

Elizabeth looked up at her, tears staining her face. What kind of stupid question was that?

"You knew and you never said anything, you all knew. I have a daughter who I don't even remember. And John…is he my husband or something? I have so many questions and no one is answering them. I thought I could trust John and he lied to me"

Elizabeth stepped back from her and walked over to the window just as the door opened and John walked into the room.

"Elizabeth"

Elizabeth kept her eyes firmly looking out of the window. John turned to Kate.

"Kate, give us a few moments"

Kate nodded and stepped out of the room leaving John and Elizabeth alone.

John walked over to Elizabeth and was about to place his hand on her shoulder before he thought better of it and he let his hand drop to his side.

"Her name is Lily Marie, she's five years old, she has your brain, your beauty, my sarcasm. She's our only child and you love her so much. And she misses her mother."

Elizabeth shook her head and kept staring out of the window

"I don't even know who she is"

"You named her after your sister you know that right?"

Elizabeth nodded. John slowly raised his hands and put them on her arms. Elizabeth turned her neck to look at him.

"Does she know that I don't even remember her?"

John shook his head and Elizabeth looked back out the window.

"I couldn't tell her that mother doesn't remember her."

Elizabeth turned round fully and looked at him.

"Do you think spending time with her will help me to remember?"

John shrugged.

"That is really Kate's area of expertise; I'd have to ask her. But I don't think it would do any harm"

Elizabeth nodded and looked back out of the window sighing.

John cleared his throat.

"I'll leave you alone to think about it"

Elizabeth didn't respond, she just stood there trying to come to terms with what she'd learnt as John slipped out of her quarters

TBC…

I know it's a short chapter but I'm ready to start writing the next chapter which should be longer.


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